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Parenting the Banana Bros: A Little Privacy Please

Parenting the Banana Bros: A Little Privacy Please

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It’s amazing how the instant you turn into a mom all of your privacy is gone. From the second that little stick turns pink everyone wants to know if you’re eating correctly, exercising correctly, resting enough …. When I was pregnant I even had a few strangers go so far as to walk up to me and touch my belly uninvited in the Target check-out line. Who are these people and where are their manners?  

Well I am here to tell you that it doesn’t get any better once the baby is born. Now it’s just a new version of no privacy, only now it involves tiny people. I can tell you from experience. Tiny people have no boundaries. 

Exhibit A: It’s a Wednesday morning (6:50 am) and I am in my bathroom with the door shut, minding my own business. I have already woken up all 3 kids (Ages 10, 5, & 3) and they are “getting ready”. 

B: Mommy! Mommy! Where are you??!

Mommy: I’m in the bathroom what do you need?

B: K didn’t know where you were. I told her I would find you.  

M: Ok, I’m in the bathroom. I’ll be out in a minute.

Bathroom door flies open. The 5-year-old walks in. 

B: What are you doing in here? 

M: I’m trying to go to the bathroom. Please.

B: Ok. (Runs away. Leaving the bathroom door open). 

 A moment later. 3 year old standing at my feet. 

BX: Mommy, I have boogers in my nose? Can you get them?

M: I’ll be out in a minute. 

BX: Oooookkaaaay

30 seconds later. Both are back. 

B: Mommy, do I have to brush my teeth? I don’t want to brush my teeth today.

M: Yes. Go brush your teeth. 

BX: I still have boogers.

M: I’ll be out in a minute. 

B: Can you help me brush my teeth? I can’t get the toothpaste. 

M: Not right now. I’m pooping. 

B: Well when will you be done pooping?

M: In a minute. Just give me a minute. 

BX: But … I actually want you to get my boogers before you poop. 

M: I’ll be out in a minute. 

In walks the 10 year old. 

K: Can you brush my hair?

M: No.

K: But I need you to brush my hair.

M: And I need you to leave me alone so I can poop. 

It’s a showdown. There we are. 35, 10, 5, and 3 … in my tiny toilet area (which I’m sure was only intended for one person) just staring at each other. Waiting for someone to make a move. They are frozen. I am frozen. Everyone is just watching me. Waiting on poop. It’s as if they are actually listening for a cue that I am finished. 

M: Are you going to leave?

In unison.

K: I need my hair brushed. 

B: I need toothpaste!

BX: I still have boogers! 

This is my life now. This is your life now. Pooping for an audience. For all the effort I’ve put into this, I wish someone would at least give me a “yeah you pooped on the potty” when I was done.

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